Narcissists, Trauma, and the Quiet Power of Learning to Trust Yourself Again

Over a decade ago, I found myself in a relationship that would change me forever.

At the time, I didn’t know the word narcissist in the way I understand it now. What I knew was that I had met someone who seemed kind, friendly, and deeply wounded by his past. He spoke of being a victim of his previous relationship. He appeared generous, service-oriented, and eager to build something meaningful in the world.

We started as friends.

He was launching a new business and asked for help. With my background in accounting and interior design, I was more than happy to support him. Helping others has always come naturally to me. I am empathic by nature. I feel deeply. I listen. I care. At the time, I also believed what people told me—especially when it was delivered with emotion and conviction.

What I didn’t realize was that I was slowly being assessed, studied, and positioned. What felt like connection was actually strategy. What felt like vulnerability was manipulation. What felt like partnership was exploitation.

That relationship lasted only one year, but the damage it caused took much longer to unravel.

How Narcissistic Abuse Often Begins

Many narcissistic relationships do not start with cruelty. They start with charm.

Often, the person presents as:

• Exceptionally charismatic

• Deeply misunderstood by others

• A victim of past relationships

• Highly motivated, driven, or “visionary”

• In need of help, support, or saving

For empathic people, this combination can be intoxicating. We don’t see red flags—we see a human being in pain. We lead with compassion, not suspicion.

Over time, the dynamic shifts. Boundaries blur. Fear creeps in. Reality becomes distorted. You start questioning your own perceptions. You feel responsible for their emotions, their failures, their anger, and eventually their instability.

By the end of that year, the situation escalated to a breaking point. He was Baker Acted. A restraining order was put in place.

I didn’t know how strong I was until I had to be.

The Aftermath You Also Didn't See Coming

Leaving a narcissistic relationship does not mean the trauma ends.

For years afterward, my nervous system lived on high alert. I experienced panic attacks simply walking into public places we once went together. Sleep was difficult—fear lingered that he might return or try to harm me or my children. Seeing a car similar to the one he drove made me physically nauseated. My body reacted before my mind could reason.

This is what trauma looks like.

Not weakness. Not overreaction. But the body holding memories that the mind hasn’t yet processed.

Healing took time. It took support. It took modalities that worked with the nervous system, not just the intellect. Reiki. Biofeedback. Meditation. NLP. And most importantly, safe friendships where I was believed, protected, and reminded of who I was before the abuse.

Slowly, I came back to myself.

What I Learned—and What Changed Me Forever

I am still empathic. I still have a soft heart. I still want to help people and animals whenever I can.

But I am no longer naive.

I learned to trust my gut—no matter how compelling the story, how charismatic the delivery, or how logical the explanation. If something doesn’t feel right, it isn’t right. The body knows before the mind catches up.

And yes—I can now spot a narcissist a mile away.

Today, I help other women who are healing from narcissistic relationships. I walk beside them because I understand. I’ve lived it. I’ve felt the fear, the confusion, the grief, and the slow rebuilding of self-trust.

As painful as my experience was, I see women who spent years—even decades—entangled in narcissistic abuse. The trauma runs deep, but it can be healed.

Not All Narcissists Are the Same

One of the most important things to understand is that narcissism exists on a spectrum. Not all narcissists behave the same way, but all forms can cause harm.

Here are some of the most common types:

Grandiose Narcissists

These individuals are often overtly confident, dominant, and attention-seeking. They crave admiration and validation and may belittle others to maintain their sense of superiority.

Vulnerable (or Covert) Narcissists

This type often presents as sensitive, anxious, or victimized. They may appear self-effacing, but beneath the surface is a deep need for validation and control, often achieved through guilt, withdrawal, or emotional manipulation.

Communal Narcissists

These narcissists build their identity around being “good,” “helpful,” or “spiritually evolved.” They may work in service-oriented roles while using their generosity as currency for admiration and control.

Malignant Narcissists

This is the most dangerous form. Malignant narcissism blends narcissistic traits with paranoia, aggression, and antisocial behavior. These individuals may enjoy causing fear or harm and can be emotionally or psychologically abusive at severe levels.

While the presentation may differ, the underlying pattern is the same: lack of empathy, need for control, and an inability to take responsibility for harm caused.

If You’ve Been There, You’re Not Broken

If you’ve experienced narcissistic abuse, there is nothing wrong with you.

You weren’t weak—you were compassionate. You weren’t foolish—you were trusting. You didn’t miss red flags—you were seeing through the lens of empathy.

Healing is not about hardening your heart. It’s about strengthening your boundaries while keeping your humanity intact.

You can be kind and discerning. Open and protected. Loving and sovereign.

I am living proof that it’s possible.

And if you are on that path right now, know this: you are not alone—and your story does not end with what was done to you.

I'm Here for You

If any part of this story feels familiar, please know that you are not alone. I understand the fear, the confusion, and the slow erosion of self-worth that can follow a relationship like this—because I have lived it too. Healing is not a straight line, and it doesn’t have to be walked by yourself. I am here to support you in whatever way feels right for you, whether that means simply being heard, gently releasing the fear held in your body, or rebuilding trust in yourself again. When you’re ready, please reach out. You deserve peace, safety, and a life rooted in your own strength and worth.

With love and compassion,

Karin

And if what you need right now is simply space to step away and return to yourself, I’m also holding Return to Radiance this May in Costa Rica. This experience isn’t about fixing or revisiting trauma—it’s about remembering who you are beneath it all. Whether you are living with trauma, healing from it, shedding old layers, or have never experienced trauma at all, this space is for you.

Experience Return to Radiance