When Someone Comes at You: Finding Peace in the Face of Verbal Aggression

Have you ever found yourself on the receiving end of someone’s verbally aggressive attack—completely unprovoked, unexpected, and undeserved? Most of us have. And it’s jarring every single time.

Today, I found myself in one of those moments.

I was on the phone with a member of the City of Naples Building Department, calling on behalf of a subcontractor who speaks limited English. They had received a Condition Letter they didn’t quite understand, so I offered to reach out and help clarify things on their behalf. I knew the employee I’d be calling—our previous interactions had revealed a pattern: combative, argumentative, dismissive, belittling, and quick to raise her voice.

So I prepared myself.

I began the conversation gently, introducing myself and asking how she was. But she came out swinging from the very first sentence—fast, harsh, and overwhelmingly aggressive. I could barely say a word. Every attempt to understand her reasoning or offer additional information was met with escalating hostility. She ranted, she raved, and at one point I could do nothing more than say softly, over her yelling, “It’s okay, [name], it’s okay.” But she continued, louder and faster. There was no path toward resolution or respect, and I had to end the call.

The physical impact hit immediately. My chest tightened, tears welled up, my heart raced, and the blood rushed in my ears. My entire body shifted into fight-or-flight. Anyone who knows me knows I am not a fighter. I don’t raise my voice. Even the few times I’ve ever needed to be loud—in moments of true self-defense—I shook for hours afterward. This moment was no different.

And yet, as unsettling as it was, I knew something important:

I could not take her behavior personally.

One city employee might calmly say,“Let me take another look and see what options we have.”

Another might unleash all their internal turmoil onto whoever happens to be on the other end of the phone.

Their behavior is not about you. It’s about what’s happening within them.

People who behave that aggressively are often dealing with pain that has nothing to do with you. Their reactions come from old wounds, stress, fear, overwhelm, or unprocessed emotion. It doesn’t excuse the behavior, but it reminds us:We are not the cause of someone else’s storm.

In moments like these, the best thing you can do is stay calm, breathe deeply, and refuse to be pulled into the chaos. Sometimes your grounded presence can soften the energy. Other times, as happened today, the healthiest thing you can do is step out of the interaction entirely.

After hanging up, I reached out to a dear friend who offered compassion and grounding. She reminded me to call upon Archangel Michael to cut cords with the interaction—a reminder I deeply needed. I saged myself and my home, turned on soothing mantra music, spent time in the sun, ate nourishing food, and cuddled my dog. Only then did my nervous system settle enough to think clearly again and return to work.

Clearing your energy after a verbal attack is essential. It helps release what isn’t yours, reset your nervous system, and return to yourself. If you ever find yourself shaken after an aggressive encounter, these practices are incredibly helpful:

Energetic Hygiene You Can Do After a Verbally Aggressive Interaction

• Sage yourself or your space

• Sit or walk in the sun

• Spend time in nature

• Make a cup of calming tea

• Journal the emotions that came up

• Put on soothing mantra or meditation music

• Cuddle your pet

• Take slow, conscious breaths

• Reach out to a trusted friend for support

• Visualize the interaction dissolving and your aura sealing

• Ask Archangel Michael to cut energetic cords

• Send love to the person—you’d be surprised how much it helps

• And yes…write their name on a piece of paper and place it in the freezer (away from food) to energetically cool them down. It works.

Most importantly, remember: Your peace belongs to you. Not to the angry person on the phone. Not to their pain or projections.

You get to choose when to engage, when to step away, and when to restore your energy. Protect your peace like the sacred thing it is.

If you’re looking for deeper tools to handle difficult interactions, strengthen your emotional resilience, and learn how to keep your peace even when the world around you feels chaotic, consider joining us for Kubuda: Return to Radiance in May 2026.

Kubuda is designed to help you reconnect with your inner calm, learn powerful coping practices, release emotional residue, and create a grounded, radiant foundation you can carry into every interaction—whether peaceful or challenging.

Your peace is yours. Your radiance is yours. And you deserve a life where you know exactly how to protect both.

In peace and gratitude,

Karin