In a recent episode of Nobody Wants This, the main character, Joanne, faced a brutally eye-opening moment. She was accused of being a "Pick-Me girl" by a group of teenagers after a painful interaction with her crush, Noah. Joanne had hoped for clarity and mutual affection, but when Noah introduced her as "just a friend," it crushed her spirit. This disconnect between Joanne's feelings and Noah's actions illustrates a common relationship dynamic: when one person invests more emotionally than the other, creating an imbalance.
Joanne's story resonates because many of us have been there. We’ve wanted to be chosen, validated, and loved by someone who didn’t meet us halfway. It raises a critical question: Are we sacrificing our self-worth to be “picked” by someone else?
The "Pick-Me" Mentality
Being labeled a "Pick-Me girl or boy" goes beyond teenage slang. It reflects an unhealthy dynamic where someone seeks validation by conforming to what they think others want. This mindset often leads to suppressing authentic needs and values in exchange for fleeting approval or acceptance.
This behavior is especially problematic in relationships. The infamous saying, "The one who cares less in a relationship holds all the power," points to a sickening imbalance. Relationships are meant to be partnerships—not competitions where one person dominates through emotional detachment. True love and connection thrive on mutual kindness, caring, support, affection, and protection, not on power plays or fear of rejection.
Mutual Picking vs. One-Sided Chasing
A balanced relationship is about both partners choosing each other wholeheartedly. It's not about begging for attention or manipulating someone into staying. You want your partner to "pick you" just as much as you "pick them." When both people are on the same page, there's no need for games or guesswork. There's a deep knowing: This person has my back, through thick and thin.
When relationships become one-sided, they stop being relationships and start feeling like unreciprocated effort. It’s in these moments that we must ask ourselves: Am I holding on because this is good for me, or because I’m afraid of letting go?
The Hard Truth About Finding "The One"
We all dream of finding someone who makes us feel loved, cherished, and supported. For some, this happens early in life, and they grow old with their childhood sweetheart. For others, the search takes years or even decades. The truth is, there's no universal timeline for finding a life partner. Comparing your journey to someone else’s only leads to unnecessary heartache.
Each of us has different lessons to learn in this lifetime, particularly about love. But there’s one universal lesson we all share: Happiness is an inside job.
Happiness Starts With You
Looking for someone else to "complete you" or make you happy is a recipe for disappointment. True happiness comes from within. It means doing the inner work to heal past traumas, building self-worth, and fostering a relationship with yourself first.
We don’t get to choose the circumstances of our upbringing. Many of us carry childhood wounds that shape our ability to love ourselves and others. However, healing those wounds is our responsibility. It’s not easy, and no one else can do it for us, but it’s necessary if we want to attract healthy, fulfilling relationships.
The Courage to Heal
Healing often means facing the difficult parts of ourselves—our insecurities, fears, and the ways we’ve been hurt. It requires vulnerability and a willingness to sit with uncomfortable emotions. But the reward is immeasurable. When you love yourself fully, you stop needing someone else to validate your worth.
This doesn’t mean you won’t desire companionship or connection. It means you’ll approach relationships from a place of wholeness rather than emptiness. You won’t settle for less than you deserve because you already know your value.
Choosing Yourself
Instead of sitting around being a “Pick-Me” girl or boy, prioritize picking yourself. Choosing yourself means:
Setting BoundariesDon’t allow others to treat you as less than you deserve. Boundaries protect your time, energy, and emotional well-being.
Pursuing Your PassionsInvest in hobbies, interests, and goals that light you up. Your life should feel full and fulfilling, with or without a partner.
Cultivating Self-LoveSpeak to yourself with kindness and compassion. Celebrate your strengths and forgive your imperfections.
Surrounding Yourself With Supportive PeopleBuild a community of friends and loved ones who uplift and inspire you. Healthy relationships extend beyond romantic ones.
Trusting Your JourneyLet go of timelines and societal pressures. Your path is unique, and there’s no right or wrong way to navigate it.
Finding the Right Partner
When you prioritize yourself, you naturally attract people who respect and appreciate you for who you are. The right partner will complement your life, not complete it. They’ll share your values, support your dreams, and work with you to build a life of mutual respect and love.
Remember, a healthy relationship isn’t about perfection. It’s about two imperfect people committing to grow together. When you find someone who chooses you with the same enthusiasm and intentionality as you choose them, you’ll know it’s worth the wait.
Final Thoughts
Joanne’s story in Nobody Wants This serves as a reminder that we don’t need to be “picked” by anyone to feel worthy. True happiness and fulfillment come from within, and the most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one with yourself.
So, the next time you find yourself wondering if you’re enough, remind yourself of this: You are worthy of love, respect, and kindness—not because someone else says so, but because you say so. Pick yourself first, always. The right people will follow.
If you need help finding your past wounds and healing them, quantum biofeedback might be able to help. To learn more, click HERE.
Best Wishes for love and laughter,
Karin Wolfe, HHP, CBS
Owner, Firefly Within
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